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This, from Shysterball, cracked me up:
<!--quoteo-->QUOTE <!--quotec-->I don’t believe the Alyssa Effect has received sufficient attention by the statistical community. I took a closer look at the data based on dating information provided by this site.
While only 3 of her 26 documented relationships are major league starting pitchers, I think the results are interesting and reasonably predictive in the event she reneges on her 2008 pledge to swear off dating baseball players.
Exhibit A: Carl Pavano (2003)
During their 2003 relationship, Pavano made 33 starts and posting 12 wins with a 4.30 ERA (33/12/4.30). In 2004 after their breakup he improved dramatically to (31/18/3.00). However this euphoria proved short lived, as Yankee fans can attest, and he regressed in 2005 to (17/4/4.77).
Exhibit B: Barry Zito (2004-05)
Zito’s dating numbers averaged (34.5/12.5/4.53), remarkably similar to Pavano’s. After the breakup he also improved in 2006 to (34/16/3.83), nearly as big an improvement as Pavano’s. What happened the year after? You guessed it, regression to (33/11/4.53).
Exhibit C: Brad Penny (2006)
Penny’s dating year of 2006 was also an unspectacular (29/7/3.90). He then experienced what I am now terming the Milano Bounce with a nice (33/16/4.33) and continued this into 2008 with a (33/16/3.03). Because we are not using precise dates on the relationship, the numbers are only estimates but it appears Brad remained mentally strong for a longer period before succumbing to the inevitable Milano Meltdown with a 2009 line of (19/6/6.27).
Conclusions:
For GM’s and fantasy enthusiasts, the conclusions from a small but consistent sample size are: (1) expect mediocrity during the dating period, possibly related to distractions brought on by the newly smitten couple, (2) buy low as soon as a breakup is announced to take advantage of the Milano Bounce, and (3) sell high after one season to be safe before the predictable Milano Meltdown sets in.
Statistics don't lie, my friends.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
There's nothing better than to realize that the good things about youth don't end with youth itself. It's a matter of realizing that life can be renewed every day you get out of bed without baggage. It's tough to get there, but it's better than the dark thoughts. -Lance
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She dated this?
![[Image: t1_penny.jpg]](http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/writers/john_donovan/02/25/nlwest.preview/t1_penny.jpg)
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<!--quoteo(post=20167:date=Feb 25 2009, 11:46 AM:name=Scarey)-->QUOTE (Scarey @ Feb 25 2009, 11:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec-->She dated this?
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
dude, she sucked his dick while he fired down pastrami. he's my idol.
Wang.
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I noticed that when I was masturbating to Alyssa Milano my production at work dipped dramatically but when I started mastubating to Judith Light I earned employee of the month. I think there may be a lot of truth to this theory.
I picture a pissed-off Amazon bitch; uncontrollable, disobedient, boldly resisting any kind of emotional shackles...angrily begging for more ejaculate. -KB
Showing your teeth is a sign of weakness in primates. Whenever someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. - Dwight
RIP Sarge
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<!--quoteo(post=20187:date=Feb 25 2009, 01:15 PM:name=Jody)-->QUOTE (Jody @ Feb 25 2009, 01:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec-->I noticed that when I was masturbating to Alyssa Milano my production at work dipped dramatically but when I started mastubating to Judith Light I earned employee of the month. I think there may be a lot of truth to this theory.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
who would you fuck: mona or danny pintauro?
Wang.
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Mona
I picture a pissed-off Amazon bitch; uncontrollable, disobedient, boldly resisting any kind of emotional shackles...angrily begging for more ejaculate. -KB
Showing your teeth is a sign of weakness in primates. Whenever someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. - Dwight
RIP Sarge
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I thought Judith Light was hot.
There's nothing better than to realize that the good things about youth don't end with youth itself. It's a matter of realizing that life can be renewed every day you get out of bed without baggage. It's tough to get there, but it's better than the dark thoughts. -Lance
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<!--quoteo(post=20187:date=Feb 25 2009, 01:15 PM:name=Jody)-->QUOTE (Jody @ Feb 25 2009, 01:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec-->I noticed that when I was masturbating to Alyssa Milano my production at work dipped dramatically but when I started mastubating to Judith Light I earned employee of the month. I think there may be a lot of truth to this theory.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/spit.gif[/img]
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If dating Alyssa Milano for a short time meant my job performance decreased I would still do it in heartbeat. I mean, all it means is I'd be a shitty bartender. And maybe that means I'm a shitty bartender because I pour too much liquor. Then people get drunker and leave bigger tips. That's it, I'm volunteering to be a guinea pig in an Alyssa Milano effect experiment.
If Angelo had picked McClellin, I would have been expecting to hear by training camp that kid has stage 4 cancer, is actually 5'2" 142 lbs, is a chick who played in a 7 - 0 defensive scheme who only rotated in on downs which were 3 and 34 yds + so is not expecting to play a down in the NFL until the sex change is complete and she puts on another 100 lbs. + but this is Emery's first pick so he'll get a pass with a bit of questioning. - 1060Ivy
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The only way to prove/disprove this theory is to put it to the test. I'd say of 30 day rigorous program of constant lovemaking would suffice. Let's write her a letter and submit 30 of ourselves as the test subjects. Of course, since I came up with the idea first, I get first dibs.
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i'd have a coronary after the first 30 minutes.....but what a way to go.
Wang.
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<!--quoteo(post=20419:date=Feb 26 2009, 12:10 AM:name=rok)-->QUOTE (rok @ Feb 26 2009, 12:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec-->The only way to prove/disprove this theory is to put it to the test. I'd say of 30 day rigorous program of constant lovemaking would suffice. Let's write her a letter and submit 30 of ourselves as the test subjects. Of course, since I came up with the idea first, I get first dibs.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yeah, but I'm the only one on this site carrying a picture of her in my signature and she specifically says that she has something for me so I think not Mr. Rok. The only Milano theory you're going to be testing is the one involving the delicious cookie.
I picture a pissed-off Amazon bitch; uncontrollable, disobedient, boldly resisting any kind of emotional shackles...angrily begging for more ejaculate. -KB
Showing your teeth is a sign of weakness in primates. Whenever someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. - Dwight
RIP Sarge
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<!--quoteo(post=20261:date=Feb 25 2009, 04:49 PM:name=KBwsb)-->QUOTE (KBwsb @ Feb 25 2009, 04:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec-->I thought Judith Light was hot.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
My wife has seen Judith Light both naked and shaven.
If you'd like, I could see if my wife is willing to paint you a detailed mental picture. I'm pretty certain Light's "naked bulbs" are indelibly etched into her brain.
One dick can poke an eye out. A hundred dicks can move mountains.
--Veryzer
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<!--quoteo(post=20467:date=Feb 26 2009, 10:40 AM:name=VanSlawAndCottoCheese)-->QUOTE (VanSlawAndCottoCheese @ Feb 26 2009, 10:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=20261:date=Feb 25 2009, 04:49 PM:name=KBwsb)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (KBwsb @ Feb 25 2009, 04:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><!--quotec-->I thought Judith Light was hot.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
My wife has seen Judith Light both naked and shaven.
If you'd like, I could see if my wife is willing to paint you a detailed mental picture. I'm pretty certain Light's "naked bulbs" are indelibly etched into her brain.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Dude, can you elaborate on this?
Wang.
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I'm still trying to get over the fact that Brad Penny was inside Alyssa Milano.
*Shivers*
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